put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
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