OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
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do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
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Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
My vagina just clenched in fear
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
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