I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize