im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Randomize
