We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Randomize
