was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
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