If i come over, it means nothing
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Rumble strips road head = magical
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
