It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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