this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
