there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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