maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
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