my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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