So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
I can feel your judgement through the phone
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
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