What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
