Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Randomize
