Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
