Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
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Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
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All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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