I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Randomize
