Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
