Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
