Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
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