I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
