If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
