Little spoons don't ask big questions
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
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