I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
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