cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I FOUND THE LEGS
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
