I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
My dick has a subreddit
Who died my cat blue again?
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
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