We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
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