I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
don't judge my taste in strippers
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
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