so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
