I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
