That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
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