yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
