I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
