i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I need a burrito and a hug.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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