Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
