The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
