I'm jealous of your bromance
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Randomize
