He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
