New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
even my farts smell like vagina
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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