If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
