can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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