just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Randomize
