I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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