Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
