I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize
