It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
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