Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
