A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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