3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
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