Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Randomize
