you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
