Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
