Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
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