Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Randomize
