I wanna bring you to show and tell
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
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