she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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