Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
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