I got chris browned last night
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
