Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
we have pet lesbian snakes
I can text with my tongue
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Randomize
