Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
