I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
