she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
