Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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