Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
