so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
