Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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